Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Messy Truth

When in the course of a mother's events it becomes necessary to tell the messy truth -- I will. And today, it became glaringly obvious. I hold these truths to be evident, and not just to myself.

I AM EXHAUSTED. And my house is a mess. My house will likely be a mess for at least the next 5 years. Or longer. I have never been an "everything in it's place" type person. I know these people. And I admire their skills. However, it's not me. Never will be. And now that I am out numbered, I can't keep up with their messes. As I am cleaning things up, silently they are behind me, making more messes.

The jump from 1 to 2 kids is hard. Being a single mom is hard! Being a single, working mom is hard! Ok - there I said it. Yes, I am back at work. Shortest maternity leave in the history of time -- I know, however, adoption doesn't qualify for "short term disability" in my employers eyes.

So for now, I am getting used to the juggle. Juggling being exhausted and having 4 more things to do before bed (including getting caught up here - no pressure other than from myself, and the desire to record my thoughts/emotions while I have them). Juggling the needs of two kids and balancing some of both of their jealousies (hold me, no hold ME, you get the picture!). Juggling the inevitable work/life/family balance - with one of the least favorable bosses in the history of time. Juggling what I want to do vs. what I HAVE to do.

Enough of the complaining... such is life! I do have to admit, I am terribly blessed. Alex's transition has been, for the most part, VERY smooth. And even in my frantic clean up tonight, as I was purging things - I came across one of Tatiana's preschool folders (from the class that is now done for the school year) - inside was a "journal" picture she made to answer the question of "what will you do this summer". Often, these journal entries are focused around really exciting things in her life (visiting Grampa and Gramma in FL; going somewhere special with Gramma Darlin) - but this time, her response was "I am going to the beach with mama". And suddenly the whole juggle is worth it!

Now on to the basics!

We had a fun weekend - nothing too major, nothing overboard, but a good weekend. We got groceries, planted flowers at the cemetery, went to a family friend's farm to see baby lambs (among other things!), saw two parades, went to a pancake breakfast and finally spent most of Monday at the VERY COLD pool. The heat had not been turned on in the pool yet, so it was a very cool 66 degrees to start with. Tatiana was miserable at first -- but as the pool warmed up, little Miss Zero Body Fat got more comfortable. (And of course was asking to go back tonight!) It was too cold for Alex's first swim, so we'll put that off for another week or so. Plus there was NO way I was going in at that temp and he goes with me! Poor little Russian wasn't used to this heat, though and was a sweaty mess. He and I hung out in the shade... but I still got burnt. Apparently I remembered to put sunscreen on THEM repeatedly, but me? Not so much! Sign of a mama, I guess.


Our weather jumped from 50's/60's to 80's/90's on Monday and today. The rest of the week is supposed to be 70's+, which will be nice, but, of course -- more rain! We may have to make a trip back to the farm to make sure there are twos of each of the animals because the ark can't be far behind at this point...

As I type, here comes the next round of rain... stay dry!!

14 comments:

Jill said...

Hang in there - you're doing great! (((HUGS)))

Stacy, Pat and Aidan said...

Funny what they can do to us! You're doing great. I sooo admire you! Two kids. . . single mom. . .wow! I promise to never complain again!! : ) Enjoy your summer!

Bill and Michelle Curran said...

I have wondered if the jump from 1 kid to 2 kids is difficult. Some people say its easier because they keep each other company, but I am not so sure I believe that!
I did the same sun screen deal. Jack was all protected and I got burnt. Its a Mama thing. Too busy to take care of ourselves :)

Gloria said...

I am sure you are doing just great! Things will get easier! Sorry about the not so nice boss thing! I think we have all had one of those. Wish yours wasn't right now. The kids look so happy!

Lakeshore Cottage Living said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. laundry and messes can wait...this is a precious time with your sweeties right now so just soak it all in and enjoy it! You have two beautiful children to love on and they could care less if the house is a mess! You are doing great!!!

Cindy said...

Amy--you are scaring me as I am jumping into the fire myself! I may be able to travel to st. pete's in august if i can get my registration docs in.

being a single mom is hard--people say that but not really sure they know, but I would rather be a single mom than just a single person!!

quick question for you in your spare time--did you have to get a pych eval from a psychologist for alex' adoption--email me at cac_li@yahoo.com if you get a sec. thanks, cindy

gayle said...

i truly understand the juggle act--it is hard.....just remember that it's ok to say it's hard. No matter how much you feel blessed it's still ok to say whew I am tired!!!

Barb said...

I love catching up on your life, but I understand how busy-ness gets in the way of blogging!
Sounds like you had a "relaxing" weekend:)
Make sure to take time to recharge your batteries, even if that includes taking "sick" days!

dgporter said...

I'm giggling, Amy. Thanks. What an exhausting, yet glorious, blessing...your children.

Wendi and Terry said...

Give yourself a break, mom. I'm sure you are doing great and there's no doubt your beautiful kids feel loved and that is what counts.

Being a working mom is hard and being a working single mom is twice as hard. Kudos Amy, I know you wouldn't have it any other way!

findingourdaughter said...

You are doing great! Give yourself some time and don't beat yourself up about things.....lots of deep breaths and what I tell myself sometimes is "will I be glad I stressed about this on my death bed?" With each child that has come along, I have found myself less and less on top of things....but they are fed, clean, have clean clothes, LOVED and shamefully spoiled. Sometimes dinner is scrambled eggs and they are thrilled:). Love you girl, BIG HUGS!!

ortisfamily said...

I hear you girl!!!!!! Trust me it gets so much easier!!!!I think when you come home from adopting you think because the rollar coaster is over it will be calmer. I think the stress of it all is delayed lol!!!!!! its ok to say its hard. Obviously God thinks you can handle it so do I. If you are anything like I am I want to let the mess go but it makes my brain not work!!!!!Im still trying to find the answer!!!!!

ortisfamily said...

p.s your children are so super adorable!!!! I have followed your blog forever and woud love to meet yall!!!!!

Nancy said...

Amy--I admire you. 1 is hard. 2 is harder. (3 is insane). Keep up the good work!