This is for Ondrea, and all of those who have come before me in the hopes of "keeping it real". You can dismiss my rant, or ignore it, but I have to get it out. Not sure this will help at all, but in an attempt, here goes.
I think this wait is slowly driving me out of my mind. The past few weeks I have been an emotional WRECK. Mind you, I was always one to cry at the commercials of the big brother coming home as a surprise for Christmas etc... but I cried during "The Sound of Music". Since my childhood, this has long been a favorite, I was allowed to stay up for TWO movies every year: Sound of Music and The Wizard of Oz, and I don't think I ever cried, ONCE. This year, bawling.
Today I cried listening to Headline News in my car and NYC Mayor Bloomb*rg talking about giving a key to the city to the Pilot of the plane that went into the Hudson River yesterday. In. My. Car. This wait is slowly breaking my heart.
I made a bad assumption this week that another family who recently got a court date didn't have to redo any paperwork before hearing any feedback on court. Miraculous! They got to go right to a court date! WRONG! Turns out the process took over a month, with some paperwork expiring - and urgently mailing a file to Vladivostok. So my thought that maybe I'd hear something on Monday looks more and more like a pipe dream. And if my timeline is anything like theirs, I'll be lucky to get a court date in MARCH. March? March? Seriously?
People are very helpful and try to say things like "get lots of sleep now, because you won't when she comes home. Or "catch up on your movies"... etc. See this is the problem. I have been doing that for 2 1/2 months. Going on 3. I am ready. Really ready.
My mom said to me today, well you're just going to have to wait. And I realize it's true. But I am scared to death something will happen in that wait time. I scour the Internet trying to read anything and everything posted on Adoption.com's Russian board and FRUA.org... however, sometimes that just feeds my fire as I hear a different region is now cancelling trips over the ruling in the Chase Harrison legal case in VA. I try to explain to people that haven't been through this process how hard it is. The only relation I can come up with is (for those with kids) giving birth and then having the doctor tell you "Your child has to go away to the other side of the world for 4 months or so - you can come back and get him/her later". The wait is gut wrenching.
Her room is done, clothes are in the dresser. Toys are in toy boxes and waiting. Her picture is on my wall, and on my dresser. I can't wait to see her face again live. When????
Take Me To The River
4 days ago